jon-evans.co.uk
The 'Qantas Gripe Sheet'
This is something I saw a while ago which has almost disappeared from the Internet. I thought I'd preserve a copy here.
All airlines are required to have a 'gripe sheet' - this is where the pilots write down problems they've discovered during a flight for the ground staff to look at later. Never let it be said that those Australians don't have a sence of humour...
Problem logged by the pilots: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Action taken by ground staff: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
Problem logged by the pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Action taken by ground staff: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Problem logged by the pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Action taken by ground staff: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem logged by the pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Action taken by ground staff: Live bugs on backorder.
Problem logged by the pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Action taken by ground staff: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem logged by the pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Action taken by ground staff: Evidence removed.
Problem logged by the pilots: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Action taken by ground staff: DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem logged by the pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Action taken by ground staff: That's what they're there for.
Problem logged by the pilots: IFF inoperative.
Action taken by ground staff: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem logged by the pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Action taken by ground staff: Suspect you're right.
Problem logged by the pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Action taken by ground staff: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem logged by the pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Action taken by ground staff: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem logged by the pilots: Target radar hums.
Action taken by ground staff: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Problem logged by the pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Action taken by ground staff: Cat installed.
Problem logged by the pilots: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Action taken by ground staff: Took hammer away from midget.